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18 November 2005 @ 05:25 pm
Puppies are offensive. They are cute and destructive and they piddle on things. Do we ban people with grown up puppies also, i.e., dogs, or is it okay to have dog as long as it's not a puppy, like it's okay to talk to a grown up even though that grownup was probably once a child? Like if the dog is say 10 or 12 years old and doesn't do much except lie around on the sofa and ask to be let into the yard sometimes, is that okay? Because if the dog is neutered then that should be great because that dog can never be Breeder, know what I mean?

Do we have an official stance on kittens, or is the focus of this group strictly puppies? What I mean is do we object to young animals in general, or only young animals of the canine variety?

Are we going to start a political movement. You know, make sure that puppies are banned from restaurants and butchers and department stores? Make sure that they never speak unless spoken to, then make sure nobody speaks to them? Is PETA gonna be all over us for this radical stance?
18 November 2005 @ 04:56 pm
Now I hate all dogcentric TV shows, of course. They all try to give the viewer a totally unrealistic idea of how WONDERFUL raising dogs is and how your life just isn't complete unless you're cleaning up after a smelly, dirty poochdropping*. But to me the most offensive program on TV is "Scooby Doo". First of all, it tries to convince people that raising a dog is so easy, you can even sort of understand what it says! Well, I challenge you to go to a dog kennel (if you can even suppress the nausea such an experience would provide) and find ONE DOG that can speak in understandable English... I guarantee you, you will not get a single "Ruh Roh Raggy! Rit's Ron Rotts!" out of any of those dumb creatures. (Not that I could ever stomach spending that much time with a dog myself, but I have it on good authority they don't talk.) Sure, some of them might fool you into thinking they said "I love you" but apparently that's some sort of trick. I won't fall for that one again!
Anyway, let me get straight to the point. What I find most offensive about Scooby Doo is that annoying little pupfruit Scrappy Doo. Everytime he proclaims, in that awful little voice of his, "P-P-PUPPY POWER!!" I feel completely oppressed! Why not just run footage of the Nuremburg rally over and over, Cartoon Network? Way to make me feel TOTALLY MARGINALIZED as a person who has chosen a puppyfree lifestyle.

*In this context that word can be taken either way
Current Mood: happily dogless
18 November 2005 @ 11:53 am
So there I am in the park this morning, enjoy some quality puppyfree time and of course, here comes the stupid dog breeder dragging around its ugly bitchdropping and proceeds to let it slobber ALL OVER my shoes while making all these coo'ing noises about oh, how cute! It LIKES ME!

"You should get one," she said. "You seem like a natural pet owner."

Excuse me, but I don't find your leash meat cute, endearing or otherwise adorable. I don't care if it likes me, please get it away from me before it gets a size 8 Birkenstock in its fat wet nose.

Ew. Ew, ew, ew. Just ... *hates*
Current Mood: enragedenraged
18 November 2005 @ 03:44 pm
puppies are clearly evil.

how can you trust anything with glowing eyes like that?  i'm so horrified when proud puppy owners try to foist their puppies on you.  they claim they want to know what you think, but they don't mean it. 

they don't want to hear, "i think it's a remarkably compact and remarkably repulsive representative of the forces of evil, with the bonus possibility that it will piddle on the carpet."
18 November 2005 @ 07:18 am
Why are you all so bitter?

It's human nature to like puppies, not hate them. This sort of rabid overreaction to puppies just makes people like me, who don't raise puppies but enjoy the taste now and then, look bad. Just yesterday I told my coworker that I didn't want any puppies and she looked at me like I was one of you crazy people!

You just need to accept that God made you to like puppies, even if you've decided for personal reasons that you don't want any of your own.
Current Music: Ludes - Your Dog Don't Bark
18 November 2005 @ 02:12 am
Can you believe that people think they are actually puppies? Or that people fantasize about sex with puppies?

The very idea of fantasizing about becoming involved sexually in any way with a puppy is repugnant to me on a level that makes me want to vomit. What on earth do you see in them? They're among Nature's most perfect turnoffs. Their flea-ridden scruffy fur; their distended bellies underneath tiny, rapidly-heaving ribs; their underdeveloped, froglike genitalia; their wet, pink mouths full of pointy little teeth; their perfectly round nostrils and alternately chubby or gawky limbs. Their furry, underdeveloped chests. The way they fucking smell. Their oversized fucking heads. Tiny, creepy wet noses! Auugh! Just fill my mouth with spiders, why don't you?

There is nothing about a puppy that says "fuck me." Viewed sexually, they are repulsive beings. Nature made the majority of the animal kingdom that way. Whether you were warped in your formative years, or at the level of the protein chain, you cannot expect us to have any real sympathy for you. And the instant you try to claim victim status, you lose all credibility and become an asshole.
Current Mood: shockedshocked
Current Music: one more time for Roman Hruska!
18 November 2005 @ 01:47 am
cuts and pastes

"I'm going to have six puppies but I totally think that you guys are doing so well by making your own decisions, and I think it's swell that you decided to be puppyfree!"

Only because the userinfo is currently linking to a non-entry right now.
17 November 2005 @ 08:55 pm
I just had to share this atrocity with a sympathetic community.


Can you believe this?? God. Don't those puppy people get enough with the real things? They have to go and have pictures of the horrors fed daily into their f-lists.

Shudder. Shudder. Shudder. OMG. There's a picture of two puppies licking ice cream! Gross!

My icon proudly demonstrates my stance on puppies.
17 November 2005 @ 11:58 pm
Watch it sharing. Watch it giving the world all it can. Innocent, you say?

be strong, they only get worse from here on out

I think what the world doesn't understand is that when you look at something like this, you aren't seeing a puppy.

No, what you are seeing is communism.

It was given that soother by a communist baby

And communism, as my Clue dvd (and my only source of knowledge of this world) tells me, is BAD.

It means Tim Curry or whoever will blackmail you until you kill the maid.


This face endorses dead maids.

And well, I don't think any of us want to be murderers. Murdering is bad.

He killed a nun with that bone

So say no to puppies and say no to murder. And communism.
Current Mood: contentcontent